I am very frustrated by the time I started writing this point for reasons that I cannot fully fathom. It might be the stress, the pressure or maybe even the fact that it's moratorium week already.



There comes a point in our lives wherein we consider everything we do, rethink every decision we made or perhaps just simply think to ourselves that we should fuck life and let fate take its own courses. And personally, I'm experiencing that point again.



I am stressed out. I mean, I tend to experience fatigue and get tired easily from various activities before. But this time, I am fully worn out. Emotionally, Physically, Mentally.



But I'm being too melodramatic. i mean, I'm a single, fucking junior highschool student who's only activities are debating and perhaps, an occassion job during PALIHAN. Or if my teacher pleases, I'm the person they believe is capable enough to this "Insert work here" thing. I mean, there are people who are far more busier than me. The presidents of different country, the teachers, the diplomats, even Marlo (...That food wrecking machine. You'll probably understand my sentiments if you were her friend.) is busier than me. Being a class presidnet, debater, Dance Pro director and all.



But we are all entitiled to feel tired no matter how small are work is.



ANyway, I did not make my welcome back post just to tell you how tired I am. I am atcually here to share a sappy thing I created awhile ago. it's alittle bit angsty and fluffy, and probably not me but I really felt like wiritng something instead of plunging myself into the world of Math.



"I wish for a lot of things. I wish of happiness and friends. i wish for fame and power. I wish for intelligence and greatness. I wish for money and materialistic possessions. But I also wish for someone to love, I wish for her. But as I see her smile and hear her melodic laughs, all my wishes of things that will benefit me vanishes into thin air. Suddenly my mind is made up. I wish for one thing, and one thing alone. i wish for her to be happy, even if the person amking ehr happy isn't me."



Okay that wish thing is stupid but I like it. It makes me feel like love gives us a new sense of hope, a new spark of life. I'm not really the type of person who'll be too optimistic but I guess in a world full of pessimism, another pessimist's presence won't really be needed. What that type of world needs is a person who'll light them up.



As I continue with my senseless rants, here is another story that I heard during iLead, last Saturday.



"A man made it a habit to walk down the shore of the beaches and pick up starfishes that the tide brings just to throw them back to the ocean. He continued this routine every single day. One time, a man approached him and asked,"What are you doing my friend?"



He then explained,"The heat of the sun kills the starfishes so i throw them back to the ocean where they can continue to live." The other man started laughing hysterically.



"My firend there might be a thousand of starfishes on this beach alone. And a millions of beaches around the world. Then tomorrow, series of tides will come again. What makes you think that you will make a difference?"



The man left and the other stared at his retreating back. He picked up another starfish and stared at it for a long time. He then threw it back to the ocean. He said, "Made a difference to that one."



If you didn't get the point of the story, well. It was quite obvious. All that we do makes a change. Everything we do changes a life or two. Truthfully I don't even know why i'm still here ranting when I could just sleep and wait for tomorrow to come.



But being the insomniac that I am, I cannot sleep. i'll probably spend my night reading "Blacklist" or watching CSI. Don't know which.



Anyway, I gotta go. CSI is starting. Bye suckers.

Labels: I ahe serious problems

I have realized that the best way to start a blog post is to quote Miss Gineta. :)

"...If I have 5 burger patties, ideally mayroon akong 5 burgers. Hindi pwedeng apat na kakainin mo ung isa pag niluluto."

Okay, everything she says makes me laugh. I'm shallow like that. :D

So far, so good. I went to school today. I was absent yesterday, in case you didn't know. I really have no plan on blogging right now since all i'll end up doing is babble my hearts out when i could do something productive like rewriting my formal theme or doing my Algebra homework. *yawns* But I'm tired. We had debate training today. I was not able to finish the entire session though due to random circumstances. D:

Uhm, aside from that we learned various floor skills in PE today. Luckily, and surprisingly, my body ain't aching. And I was able to do everything. Well except the bridgestand. My head keeps on colliding with cemented floor so yeah, I'm afraid that i'll be having concussions again.

So far, the day is proving to be okay except for a very, very nice person who decided to ruin it. BTW, my weekend is packed. So to those whom I promised an outing this weekend, I'm sorry.

Saturday - I have an Integrated Seminar in Ateneo for Debate. That'll be 9 - 5.
Sunday - I'm still confirming this one. Meeting Ate Jhoanna for her mag clippings. Then yeah, out with Marlo.

I will end this post with a message.

Dear Anonymous,
I know that when you told me about her, I reacted badly. I expressed feelings of hurt and shock. After a few days, I got over it. Now that i'm finally moving on, you go back and mess up my life. What do you actually want? You cannot fully demand to know my daily schedule, who I'm going to be with and where I'm going. Because reality check, i ain't yours.

Now, get over yourself. Thank you.

@ Miyuki - tired&bitchy&sleepy

"Mais Con Yelo, Saba Con Yelo, at kung ano pang may yelo."
-- Miss Gineta.

I went to school and screwed the idea of boycotting it. I mean I have two Chemistry quizzes, a long quiz in English. If I'm planning to be an Outstanding student starting from the first quarter, I better schedule my absences well.

Anyway, today was quite a little bit irritating, depressing and boring. All negative emotions probably took over me.

First, I was so effing tired from training that i can't even talk and move my body when I woke up. I got up slowly, a little bit turtle like if I may say so.

I was reading Eclipse on my way to school and almost cried at the part wherein Bella was being comforted by Edward because she kissed Jacob. Jacob ♥ Bella. Edward ♥ Bella. Bella ♥ Jacob. Bella ♥ Edward. :|

How about Jacob ♥ Edward? I am so thinking of just screwing Bella and go with this pairing. All the unresolved sexual tension between the bloodsucker and the mongrel should produce something right?

Now, I arrive at school just to hear the news that she is now in a relationship with her. I wa son the verge of crying. i want to hit her with my fan, slap her with my own kittly claws. But I restrained myself. God, why is she so goddamn blind? :|

After that morning issue, all went well. :) MARLO lost her wallet though. Aww, *pats* I think it has a thousand bucks in it. I am so offended on whoever those muggers are.

Why is it that they took Marlo and Kyla's wallet and picture while they just left my pictures in my wallet? :| I swear in the fishes of hell that they had hidden desires for Kyla and Marlo. XD This is me being unrealistic so blah. :)

Hmm, then after that I received a text message. another Family Emergency. *sighs* I did not attend training again, Gods. I miss debate. :|

Besides, it was raining too hard.

Now I'm doing my reflection paper, pre lab in Chemistry and ASA. Gods, why me? *facepalms*

@ Miyuki -- tired&sick

First off, AREN, I would like you to know that i have finally found the light that is Donna V. LOL. She made me high during the most random points of the training without actually doing anything at all. It would've been more fun if you were there though. Someone to talk too I guess. :D I missed you, D:

Okay, so after making a random comment and message to Aren (My oh-so lovable friend who never fails to scare me with her oh so quite scary text messages.) I want to babble about how life in the third year level is bitching on me. I know that I am not the only third year out there. I am not the only one suffering from the effing epidemic that is ASSIGNMENT marathons. But I'm just so tired that everything is just so bottled up and I feel like I'm going to explode anytime soon.

I would not narrate the whole training. Considering that it's long, tiring and did I mention that it's long?

Okay, here it goes.

1. An hour before lights - out, My third year co-Palihan leaders played Truth or Dare. (ie. Donna, Allison, Bea, Andrea Santos and I.) We asked Donna to shout outloud, "Ding, ang Bato. Wonderwoman." Poor girl, she looks like she was about to cry. She backed out and just told us her secret. :) In the end, it was Allison who did the dare. I declared my undying love for a Fourth Year leader. Forgot the other dares though. LOL.

2. The room was so cold. I was sleeping directly near the aircondition which is at its high temperature. Donna, who was sleeping next to me, served as my human teddy. I love you, Donna. Thanks for keeping me warm, last night.

3. I suddenly have the urge to tell the admin to make Allison my classmate. I missed her, badly. :)

4. Morning of Sunday, I spent the biggest amount I've ever paid in my Payphone history. I think that was around P 25. My phonemate? Aren. :D

5. I made new friends, Yay. :DDD Welcome to my oh-so chaotic life. Taht goes for Bea, Donna and Andrea Santos.

6. Donna made me high just by being there. When i first talked to her, I told her "Ikaw si Donna V. di ba? Yung sinasabi ni Aren na Donna is Love <3?" I had too many random "Donna V. Donna V. Donna V." moments. Okay, ang FC ko. Baka pagalitan na ako ni Aren. :))

7. Enjoyed the training. I hated not being able to take a bath though. :)

8. I slept during the Mass' Homily. D: NapakaPagano ko talaga. I also saw Lorraine's parents and Idol. :) Haha, Ayiieee? :D

9. Bea Bayani. I LOVE HER. :DDD

That's basically the highlights of the training. :) It's quite tiring...No. it's tiring. But I love my trainers and co-trainees. Lorraine, Kate and Marlo were also there but we belonged in different modules. :)

At around 4:30, Donna V. woke me up. I suggested to start cleaning up so we don't have to wait for others to finsh washing up if we do it a little bit later. After brushing our teeth and stuff, Donna took out her chips while I took out my choco cookies. We walked around the dark campus and ended up visiting Malro on the IMC. Pero, she was not there yet. :)

We sat on the staircase leading to the rooftop, the one across the Computer Room. We then saw three people walking towards us.

Donna: Si Marlo, oh.
Miyuki: *yawns* Hindi iyan si Marlo.
Donna: Si Marlo iyan.
Miyuki: Hindi, may korte katawan nung naglalakad ehh.

When the face of the person became clearer, *gasps* It was in fact Marlo. Shet, ang mean ko. HAHA. :)

PS. I was able to install my comment forms na, Yaaaay. :)
PPS. God answered Donna's and my prayer last night. Thank you, Lord. :) I ♥ You.

We make decisions because every move we do has an option. : Basically a choice of doing it or not, of following it or not. Choices, choices.

I'm actually being pointless in posting such an opening line but I'm feeling very poetic. Anyway, ever felt like solving a jigsaw puzzle? And then the piece all comes along by itself. And when you thought that the picture'll be complete, the message won't be clear because you need another piece to actually complete it.

Anyway, right now I am contemplating on just boycotting that damn overnight leadership training. I mean, I was not exactly given a chance to choose whether I would like to go there or not. In such cases, i really don't have an option. Screw my opening line. Some people can;t recognize that every person has an effing right to choose and decide. I ain't a goddamn kid.

Next, today was PALIHAN. Drained the hell out of me. Before lunch and after it, All I kept on muttering was "I'm sleepy." Good part, got a chance to dance to Zukkoke Otokomichi for the community exposure. Hot, Hot, Hot. Oh yes, sang that song with a fedora on. :DDD I really should get a hold of my sanity. Everyday I miss a chunk of it and look what's it done to me.

I'm supposed to be packing my stuff right now and the whole she-bang that comes with it. Take a bath and then finish Eclipse, But I really don't have any strength to move and do stuffs. *headdesks*

Whaddafuck is happening? :|

I could probably say "Hi!" right now, with a very toothy grin but I just can't. I don't feel like it, so yeah.

No major highlights for today, well except for that oh - so awaited Human Sexuality talk. It was fun and knowledgeable really. The open forum sounded alot more questionable though. People from varying sections came up with the most adorable questions, *grins*

1. A question on Homosexuals
2. Hermaphrodites
3. Why does condoms have flavor?
4. Why is it that when a girl have her first sexual intercourse, it hurts?
5, Is it possible to get pregnant if the position or the penetration of the penis is not vaginally done?

I could probably add little bit more but this girls have the most colorful question. It certainly brightened up my day.

Now onto some useless babble.

People say that we commit mistakes and learn from them. I've believed in that quote evcer since I heard it. No one wants to make a fool of herself twice, right?

But there are just some people, a certain person, who cannot have consideration for her friends, who actually cares for her. I'm supposed to be pissed off at her supposed partner but the only thing that her partner did was make her cry. Big deal, everybody cries.

If a person cry, she is being hurt or scarred emotionally, physically or whatever personality dimension there is. The main point is, if your friends and yourself have acknowledged that fact (Which is basically stating that certain partner hurts you) you have to learn to let go of her no matter how much you effing love her.

You can't pretend to be blind and not see her flaws. You can't say that she's the only one who gives you happiness. Because reality check sweetheart, she makes you cry. She uses you, she hurts you and yeah, she makes you look like the relationship rebound girl. Funny but true. Or perhaps unless you have a certain inclination towards masochism, perhaps I could be a little less harsh and be a little bit more understanding.

There are times when i actually want to stop caring for her. It's getting tiring, it's getting pointless having to comfort a person for the same reason over and over again. It's tiring to think that when you thought she is finally over it, here she comes again, sitting lifelessly on the tiles of the floor, crying her heart out on whatever effing reason why.

When we have finally thought that she has finally found the one that will make her smile her toothiest grin, someone that can make her sing her heart out in joy, she do something and screw it all over again.

It's tiring, so fucking tiring. I want to curse her out so loud. i want my voice hoarse in telling her my feelings about it. I want my eyes overflowing with tears but I won't waste my time and my effort.

She pretend and sees everything but her flaws.

Everything we do is pointless.

Okay, that's probably it. :D I've finally released it, gods. It's been bottled up for days and it feels so good to let it out. Really. :)

Probably be back later for something more understandable and coherent.

@ Miyuki -- pissed & hungry

This is my second account in Blogger and my nth account in whatever blog hosting site available in the net right now.

So, I can't say I'm a nomad considering that I've completely abandoned my first account. MIYUKAII is like effing so overrated. I would probably change my URL's with miyukaii too if it wouldn't be such a crappy hassle for my oh-so-very hectic schedule. God, I really need to stop being sarcastic whenever I blog. It's like talking to one's self only this time, I'm typing and I am not talking. I'm contradicting myself and bitching against myself. WEIRDO.

As early as now, i am apologizing for actually posting bitchy and so random stuffs in here. *facepalm* Think of this blog as my techie outlet of emotion.

But then again irregardless of such trivial matter that does not exactly concern my main purpose of posting an entry, I would like to give my warmest of the warm WELCOME to all those people who actually cares and takes time in reading another pointless post.

I was suppose to stick with my livejournal but blogging in livejournal irritates me right now. I mean, I wonder what exactly is the difference of Blogger to LJ but posting here makes me feel a little bit more at ease. oh yes, I'm weird like that.

This blog is still obviously under construction. I'm not in the mood to grab a basic CSS code and edit it with some marquee stuff I have recently read in a book. Yes, I read. :DDD Surprised? Don't be.

Since I'm still bitchy about what's about to happen in the coming days, I might as well say goodbye and tell you that yes, I'll be back next time for a nicer and more welcoming post.

And yeah, regarding my new URL, *grins* it's what again? bloodsuckingweirdo? Hmm, put spaces. Blood Sucking Weirdo. Just prz, I'm seriously taking my vampire fascination a little bit too much. :) First the neck thing, then I started admiring the smell and taste of blood, now this. Do you think I could be a very distant relative of Edward Cullen?

Speaking of Edward Cullen, I'm on the verge of starting the prologue of Eclipse. :) When will he turn Bella? I want vampire actions, yesh. :)

Thank you.

@ Miyuki --- Tired & Sleepy

Labels: welcome